Shot

An Englishman, a French and an American were captured by
terrorists.

The terrorist leader said, "Before we shoot you, you will be
allowed last words. Please let me know what you wish to talk
about."

The Englishman replied, "I wish to speak of loyalty and service
to the crown."

The Frenchman replied, "Since you are involved in a question of
national purpose, national identity, and secession, I wish to
talk about the history of constitutional process in France,
special status, distinct society and uniqueness within
diversity."

The American replied, "Just shoot me before the Frenchman really start."

Timelines

Charles was getting annoyed and shouted upstairs to his wife," Hurry up or we'll be late."
"Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?"

Running Late

A man was running late for the office one day, so he was exceeding the speed limit along the freeway. The next thing he knows his wife rings up & says that I've just seen on the TV that there's a maniac going down the wrong side of the freeway. The man replies, It's not just one, it's all of them.